Category Archives: just writing

So turns out I’m not old, I’m sick.

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So, remember how the other day I was all “oh I’m so old and pathetic because I ended the weekend sore and exhausted just from doing my mom thing”? Of course you do…it was just yesterday.

Anyway, turns out maybe I’m not so old and pathetic after all. Sunday evening I had a twinge of a sore throat. Didn’t think much of it since Andy had been fighting a sore throat for the last week or two. Woke up yesterday and it was worse. Way worse. Still, powered through my day.

Well as the day went on, the “I worked out to hard” soreness morphed into over all weak body aches. Horrible headache. Then my throat got even worse. Last night I slept like crap. And today I’m taking my first ever “send the kids to school and come home sick” day. I’ve already taken two naps and about to make it three.

Look, you know it’s bad when I give up my coffee and drink tea instead. I haven’t even had the tv on.

Seriously…this constant string of sickness happening in this house just needs to moves the hell on. I’m over it.

Ironically enough, I just wrote a post for Liberating Working Moms about how for the first time ever I’m taking vacation days for actual vacationy-type things this year!

So…yay for vacations. Yay for not being as old & lame as originally thought. Yay for naps. Boo for being sick.

I hope my throat feels good enough to eat dinner because Taco Tuesday!!

Struggling.

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I’ve been struggling all day.

On more than one occasion, I’ve said I have no words. I’m still not sure I do, but I can’t just sit here.

I know there will always be things in life I won’t understand. But sometimes, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I know of a number of friends that are battling infertility. I even have a couple of friends that I suspect are battling infertility, but haven’t shared it with me and I haven’t asked because it’s not my place.

All the friends that are struggling, would make amazing parents. Amazing. And what really pisses me off about it all, is that there are people that are in absolutely no position to be bringing small humans into this world, yet get pregnant by doing nothing more than sneezing.

HOW can these amazing people that would make amazing parents not be able to have babies?

Infertility is a dirty whore.

I am angry.

In my head, I can repeat “everything happens for a reason” and “we’ll never be given anything we can’t handle” over and over and over again, but right now, I can’t see past right now.

I am struggling to understand. As a woman, as a friend, as a christian.

And because I don’t know what else to do, I pray.

I pray for peace for the families struggling. I pray for their healing; physical, emotional and mental. I pray  for the right words to speak, when necessary. I pray for wisdom and foresight that I may be able to recognize need and step in to help, even in some small way.

I pray for understanding for all those struggling.

Struggling with the weight of it all.

Struggling in silence.

Struggling to make sense of it all.

Just struggling.

Currently v.2

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Eating…pizza for dinner tonight. The last few nights I’ve ended up overwhelmed over the tiniest little things and I hate it. So, tonight, as per my sister’s wonderful suggestion, I’m picking up Papa Murphy’s on the way home from work. We never do that…in fact, I think this will be the first time I’ve ever just picked up a pizza on my way home on a whim.

Drinking…a giant Starbucks Iced Coffee. And yes, I realize it was only 30 degrees this morning when I left my house. I don’t care. I didn’t have any coffee beans ground last night when I went to get the coffee pot ready and I wasn’t about to accidentally wake the kids to do so. So instead, I packed the kids up 10 minutes early and hit Starbucks before work.

Listening…to nothing. I really love silence.

Reading…nothing. I just finished the book I was reading {The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks} last night. I’m already wondering what I should pick up next. Shhh…don’t tell anyone, but I think I actually like reading now.

Thinking…about all sorts of things. First being my upcoming girls weekend trip I’ve got planned with these girls. Four weeks and counting down. I need this. I think we all do. The other thing I’m thinking about is last night…when the girls & I got home Rylee noticed the giant puddles in our driveway and asked if she could jump in them. I figured, why the hell not. We both had a blast…her jumping, me watching. It’s making me smile just remembering her giggles.

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Linking up with Lindsey over at OtandEt!

Proud to call them my friends

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I’ve talked about them before…these ladies that live in my phone. We’re each a little crazy. I happen to think we’re all freaking hilarious. Brandy summed our friendship up pretty much perfectly in this post.

Over the last week, they all put themselves out there in different ways and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them.

Brandy wrote a post over on Liberating Working Moms about some of the trials that come with being a pumping working mom and that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you need to supplement with formula and that’s OK because you’ve given your baby all you could. It’s not an easy thing to put out there because some people get so worked up in the breastmilk vs. formula “debate”, but other working moms struggling with producing enough milk need to know that it’s OK and that they aren’t alone. Anyway, go read it. It’s worth it.

Brandee has been going through some…well…shit. And by shit I mean infertility. It seems like just about everyone has an opinion and/or advice when it comes to baby making…or lack thereof. And while everyone has good intentions at heart, it still sucks. So BdblE (as she’s called in my phone) went ahead and put together some advice for the advice givers. She gives fair warning that her post may offend some, even make people mad, but she had to get those things off her chest and I applaud her for doing so in regard to such a personal, tough topic.

Alicia ended the week on a high. She was recently offered her dream job at her Alma Mater and of course she accepted it! With the happiness of a new job, comes the sadness of leaving the old one. And what I really mean by that is no more #OfficeFashionShow #UrinalEdition photos on my instagram feed. But, that’s ok because we have yet to see what her new bathroom set-up will be AND she put together this awesome video that I can always look back on. Her post quotes Amy Poehler saying “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” I couldn’t agree more, Higgy. We’re two peas in a weird-ass pod.

These girls mean a lot to me. I’m proud to call them my friends.

Currently v.1

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wondering how much milk I’ve got in my freezer. How much I’ll be needing for my next trip. And how much I’ve got available to donate to a baby in need. I’m adding that to my mental to-do list for the weekend right…now. Also wondering if I’ll ever have the time to finish up all the lonely half-written blog posts I’ve got sitting in my drafts.

loathing this stupid cold that will.not.go.away. I’m about to get all up close and personal with my neti-pot tonight. I always forget I have one.

cooking some new things. Last weekend while I was meal planning I felt totally uninspired…in a rut. Enter Pinterest! Last night I made chicken enchilada pasta and tomorrow night I’ll be making coconut lime chicken. Quick review: the chicken enchilada pasta was a bit too hands on to be a new recipe on a weeknight. Now that I’ve done it, no problem, but in hindsight, shoulda saved it for a weekend. And I’m guessing if I didn’t have this stupid stuffed up nose, it would have tasted a helluva lot better too. To me, it was just kind of…meh. It did have a bit of a kick though. I will be trying it during a non-sick time.

reading…reading? What’s that? Seriously though…I always kind of “forget” to read. It sounds awful, I know. I know. But I really just don’t like reading that much to begin with. I do have “The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks” sitting on the table next to the chair I nurse Reese in each night. Just waiting for an evening I get sick of scrolling thorough Instagram.

listening to the rumbling of a train passing outside my office. And the slow, methodical, droning of my pump. Is it nap time yet?

And totally unrelated to any of this, but cute & sweet nonetheless…a photo of the girls…Rylee was super upset because she realized (too late) that she’d left her blanket at school and wouldn’t be able to get it until the next day. Reese heard her crying and was concerned. I’m convinced she was trying to make her sister feel better.

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I’m linking up with my girl Lindsey over at OtandEt for her weekly “Currently” link-up!