The one I never thought I’d write

by katherine on September 21, 2011

As a relatively fit 27 year old who was doing everything “right”, I never I thought I would wake up Friday morning to something not being…right.

But I did.

So, I called and spoke to the nurse on call. Told her what was going on. She told me to take it easy. Keep my feet up. Then she told me to call and check in on Monday morning. That was that.

I stayed at work for a few hours. Unable to focus, I filled in one of my bosses about something not being quite right, and he told me to go home. Right then. So home I went. Propped my feet up on the couch and slept the afternoon away. Andy picked Ry up that night. He made us dinner. He did the dishes. I stayed off my feet. Something still wasn’t quite right.

And, I guess when you know, you know, because I awoke from a dead sleep at 1 AM and I knew.

At 7 weeks, 4 days pregnant, I was having a miscarriage.

I tried to go back to sleep. For the rest of the night I was in and out of sleep and in and out of bed.

That night, and since then, I’ve had a lot of time to think about what was happening.

And you know what? I’m OK with it.

Surprisingly OK with it in fact.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my ups and downs but, at this point, it is what it is and there is {obviously} no changing it. To be honest, knowing what was happening was much more comforting to me than trying to decide just what the nurse meant when she said this “could be normal”.

It’s a very weird thing to write about now. Especially considering so many of you didn’t even know Andy and I were expecting. But, it’s not something I can just skip over like it never happened.

We are blessed beyond measure in the life we have built together. I truly, truly believe that even though I may not see the reasons now, all things do happen for a reason.

There’s always a silver lining…right?

{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Ashley September 21, 2011 at 11:35 am

It’s hard to keep faith when things like this happen but you are so right. Everything happens for a reason and God has a plan. I’m sorry for your loss.

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2 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:32 pm

Thanks Ashely…and yes, I agree, God always has a plan. :)

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3 Auntie Kelli September 21, 2011 at 9:52 am

Your post made my eyes fill with tears. You are a remarkable woman. Things do happen for a reason and one day you will know. I love you!

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4 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm

Aw, I didn't mean to make you cry sister. Love you too. :) By the way…you owe me ice cream when you're home for Christmas.

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5 Krista September 21, 2011 at 1:09 pm

You know I'm thinking about you. Much love!

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6 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:33 pm

You have been such a great friend to have through all of this. I really cannot thank you enough for being there for me.

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7 emily bilbrey September 21, 2011 at 2:04 pm

oh lady. my heart goes out to you!! you are a brave, sensitive, wonderful woman, and i hope recover quickly. thinking of you! hugs and hugs and hugs from afar. xoxoxo.

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8 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:35 pm

Thank you so much my sweet friend. :) So, so much.

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9 Mallorie Owens September 21, 2011 at 8:06 pm

I'm so sorry. Praying for you and your family! Glad to hear you're staying positive :)

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10 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Thanks for the prayers, they are very appreciated right now. :)

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11 Anne C. September 22, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I'm so sorry….and I kind of wondered if you might be pregnant. I can't imagine what you are going through, but I can say you are not alone. I can also say too, that I know a lot of people who got pregnant right after they had their miscarriage. It is unbelievably common, yet unbelievably heartbreaking. I wish you lot's of luck with what comes. :)

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12 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:36 pm

Thanks Anne! I'm just hoping I don't end up with twins!! :)

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13 Brandy September 23, 2011 at 1:49 pm

O honey I just saw this. I am so sorry. I'm not going to say the usual sentiments…but it just fucking sucks. If you ever want to chat, let me know. Glad you are positive….reminds me of me when I went through it. ::hugs::

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14 Lilmissrysmama September 23, 2011 at 2:38 pm

God I love you. And you're right, this does fucking suck. I didn't know you had gone through this too…even though it totally blows it's nice to know we're not alone.

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15 Kristen September 24, 2011 at 11:57 pm

Wow sis, you are very brave for writing this. You are such a strong amazing woman!

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16 Willie October 29, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Enhligtneing the world, one helpful article at a time.

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17 klcviigttbr November 4, 2011 at 11:24 am
18 Karey September 27, 2011 at 12:51 am

I had no idea – I am SO sorry, Katherine. Tears are filling my eyes and my heart just breaks for your family. Hugs to you!!!

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19 Lilmissrysmama September 27, 2011 at 11:48 am

Thank you Karey. So much.

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