Struggling.

by katherine on March 19, 2013

I’ve been struggling all day.

On more than one occasion, I’ve said I have no words. I’m still not sure I do, but I can’t just sit here.

I know there will always be things in life I won’t understand. But sometimes, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I know of a number of friends that are battling infertility. I even have a couple of friends that I suspect are battling infertility, but haven’t shared it with me and I haven’t asked because it’s not my place.

All the friends that are struggling, would make amazing parents. Amazing. And what really pisses me off about it all, is that there are people that are in absolutely no position to be bringing small humans into this world, yet get pregnant by doing nothing more than sneezing.

HOW can these amazing people that would make amazing parents not be able to have babies?

Infertility is a dirty whore.

I am angry.

In my head, I can repeat “everything happens for a reason” and “we’ll never be given anything we can’t handle” over and over and over again, but right now, I can’t see past right now.

I am struggling to understand. As a woman, as a friend, as a christian.

And because I don’t know what else to do, I pray.

I pray for peace for the families struggling. I pray for their healing; physical, emotional and mental. I pray  for the right words to speak, when necessary. I pray for wisdom and foresight that I may be able to recognize need and step in to help, even in some small way.

I pray for understanding for all those struggling.

Struggling with the weight of it all.

Struggling in silence.

Struggling to make sense of it all.

Just struggling.

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

1 karey March 20, 2013 at 12:08 pm

I've thought a lot about this in the past, too. It's tough stuff. I'm the one who sneezes and gets pregnant (while using protection. Twice.) but my parents (back in the day) struggled with infertility for over ten years and then ended up choosing adoption and that's how I (and three other babies who needed homes) wound up in such an amazing family.

There's no easy answer. There's no simple reply to the HUGE question of, "why." All I know is that nothing happens (or doesn't happen) without getting permission from God – even stuff that we look at and want to scream, "BUT THAT SUCKS!!!"

I recently read this article and it helped with the, "God doesn't give you more than you can handle" line that makes all of us crazy. Maybe it will help you, too.
http://natepyle.com/confronting-the-lie-god-wont-

Reply

2 Laura Case March 20, 2013 at 12:11 pm

I had two best friends in college, Mike and Irene, still two of my closest friends after 20 years. Mike's wife died of breast cancer last summer and Irene's 2 year old got diagnosed with brain cancer last month. I have struggled and struggled, and I have cried more in the last year than I have in all my other years combined.

What it fundamentally comes down to for me is that bad things happen to good people. It's not fair and it's hard and it's horrible. The only reason I have peace these last few months is that I see my life completely differently now. Even when I have a bad day or things are not great, I still have what is important – my loved ones. And I try to be there for my friends in pain because I now know, fully 100% in my heart, that it will happen to me too someday.

I said this to B but I'm so glad you guys have Arizona coming up. In person hugs are infinitely better.

Reply

3 babechilla March 20, 2013 at 12:45 pm

I love you!

Reply

4 Higgy March 20, 2013 at 6:47 pm

I’m sitting beside you here, just nodding.
You do the praying, I’ll sit here & hold your hand & cry, ok?
Cause, ouch.

Reply

5 Sydney March 20, 2013 at 7:14 pm

Praying for you and your friends. :)

Reply

6 Billie Perrier March 20, 2013 at 11:24 pm

I have been struggling with infertility for three years now. Your word filled my soul. Thank you.

Reply

Leave a Comment

Previous post:

Next post: