Category Archives: On My Heart

Busy.

You know what I hate? That when friends I haven’t seen for a while ask me how we’ve been the only answer I can ever come up with is, “busy.”

Or when someone asks me how my day was and I can’t think anything to say besides, “busy.”

At what point will I just accept that “busy” is just our new normal? Or maybe, I’m just not willing to accept it as our new normal. And also, what would I say then to those questions?

How was your day? … “normal.

How have you guys been? … “normal.

What kind of answer is that, even?

But, it’s true. Three kids is a lot of laundry, a lot of morning chaos, a lot of food to cook, a lot of dishes. Two of them are now in school so there are more lunches to make, more schedules to coordinate, more reading to be done. Two of them are playing sports so there are more practices to go to, more games to cheer on, more water bottles to fill, more team snacks to buy. Outside of the kids, there are careers that we love and aren’t going anywhere. The property that’s not going anywhere. Etc., etc. etc..

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

If I’m being completely honest? The constant dashboard of family stuff, work stuff, house stuff, that I have running in my head leaves me right on the verge of being completely overwhelmed. There’s always one.more.thing. that should/could/needs to be done before I can sit down and relax in the evening. That magical time of sitting down and relaxing seems to be getting later and later in the evening as time goes on.

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

So, I’m asking myself, why am I even here? In this space, I mean. Typing these words when there are so many other things that should be done right now. Why am I even contemplating the idea of adding yet another one.more.thing. to that dashboard in my head?

I’ve gone almost an entire year within nothing new here. So why now? It’s been so long, I even typed in the URL of my own blog wrong when I decided to log in and click “new post.”

The novelty and shiny-ness of the internet has long worn off. There’s just so much noise anymore. I actually kind of hate it lately. Social media in general, I mean. I took the twitter app off my phone. I’ve been clicking “unfollow” more and more. I’ve even said out loud on more than one occasion that if I didn’t have to have it for work I wouldn’t. And that realization actually kind of makes me sad. I miss the “good old days” of social media, ya know?

And maybe that’s just me in general lately. I suppose that’s why I’m here right now. Reminiscent of the “good old days” of being less busy. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself now. I’m sure that whenever those generic “good old days” were, I also felt busy all the time. Maybe I just handled it all better?

I don’t even know. I’m just rambling on at this point.

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

Pro Tip on Feeding Babies

I’ve been texting with some mom-friends this week about the challenges of breastfeeding and pumping and the guilt and resentment and “OH MY GOSH WHY AM I NOT MAKING MORE MILK I AM SO SICK OF THIS” of it all. After 3 kiddos, I’ve been there done that.

Ironically enough, world breastfeeding week just wrapped up a few days ago and that post I just linked above I wrote almost a year ago to this day. It’s hard to believe at this time just a year ago I was still nursing Lincoln. It seems like such a distant memory at this point. But I digress…

The subject of that group text always hits me like a ton of bricks because for every 1 mom that’s out there that thinks nursing their baby is a breeze and amazing and a beautiful journey, etc, etc, etc, there’s at least one mom that struggles with it and feels like she has to be silent about it. And it seems like there’s never anyone out there saying “it’s ok! I get you! you aren’t alone! You don’t have to love it!”

And that sucks, right!? Because the internal struggle of breastmilk vs. formula is real. And hard.

For the mothers that are struggling with milk production, or you think there’s something wrong with you because you just don’t love, or even like, nursing or pumping, or feeling guilty for making the move to 100% formula, you are certainly not alone. I’ve shared many of those same feelings.

I would like to share this pro tip:

10 out of 10 doctors agree: feeding your baby is 100% necessary. Recommended, even!

How they get fed is up to you. And only you.

 

Love is…

I feel like everyone has that person they look up to in life…a mentor or role model, if you will. Whether it’s career related or personal life. Back in my late teens/early 20’s I had one of those people in my life. I looked up to her in every way. In her career. In her marriage. And eventually, in her parenting. Even before I had a career, marriage or children I’d take note of things she would do or say.

One of those things was something she once said about the subject of love. She didn’t say it directly to me, rather in a group setting. What she said made so much sense. It’s a little tid-bit I have shared with others over the years and it’s something I often come back to in my own relationship.

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Makes sense, doesn’t it?

She’s since moved away but to this day many of those things have stuck with me and shaped the way I work, partner and parent.

Smiles and sunsets

My drive home from work takes me down quiet country roads with beautiful views. Often times I use my time between the office and picking up the girls as a time to catch up with my sisters or my girlfriend. Or rock out. Or sometimes just quiet time…To decompress after a busy day.

Today was one of the quiet days. The sun was just about set. The fog was settling in around the lake. It was a beautiful evening. I drove in silence. Without even thinking, I brought my hand to my neck. It brushed my necklace. I caught myself and smiled.

My grandma has been gone over 7 years now and there’s still not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. She’s never far from my mind.

On days I seem to miss her more than normal I think about what it’d be like to visit with her again. It’s an odd thing to go from visiting multiple times a week to never being able to do it again. We’d talk about nothing. Or everything. No matter what my days were always brighter. I can still picture her smile. Even how her eyes beamed. How she’d squeeze my hand.

Today would have been one of those days where I would have stopped off for a visit before going home. To share a bit about my day.

I look at the sun setting through the clouds. I think about all the things I would be telling her if she was here. My hand touches my necklace again and I smile picturing her smile. Shes never too far away.

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On the reality of parenting

The other day, I read the article that’s sweeping social media called “The Day I stopped Saying ‘Hurry Up’“.

To be honest, I found myself scrolling through the article, skipping large chunks thinking “Hurry Up and get to the point…”

Look, I get it. I totally do. It’s meant to be a “stop and smell the roses” thing. A “life goes too fast” thing. These statements stem from the same place the “Cherish Every Moment” statement well-meaning old ladies tell moms that are dealing with epic meltdowns in the aisles of Target comes from.

We lead busy lives, but there are plenty of times when we can throw our agenda out the window and take our time. There are plenty of times when not only can we do that, but we do do that.

At what point does “slowing down” and “not rushing our kids” stop?…because for their sake it can’t certainly go on forever. We need to teach our kids responsibility and not to mention common courtesy and the value of others’ time.

Like work, for example. I am expected to by at work by 8 AM, Monday through Friday. I’m sure if I sent my bosses a link to this article they’d totally understand me being late to work because on any given day my kid(s) take 45 minutes to eat breakfast and/or 25 minutes to put their clothes on. Oh wait, no, this is reality…that’s not an option. So, sorry kiddos, but HURRY UP!

Or what about a doctor’s appointment? Or church? Or a lunch date with a friend you haven’t seen in ages? The list can go on and on.

I’m not bullying my kid who simply wants to enjoy life as the author of the article says as she makes an inward reflection on her life. I’m pretty set on raising my kids to not be assholes and part of that is punctuality.

Yes, life goes fast. Too fast. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have places to be, by certain times.

My girls mean the world to me. I don’t cherish every moment because frankly, some moments as a mother just really suck. And I tell my kids to hurry up because sometimes I don’t care how many roses you want to stop and smell, I will pick you up and carry you like a sack of potatoes so we are not late to that doctor appointment. That doesn’t make me a bully. That doesn’t make me a bad mom. That just makes me a mom. A realistic one at that. And I love my kids just as much as any other mom. And I do cherish my time with them.

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So maybe we’ll just have to agree to disagree on this one and you continue to live your happy life. And I’ll continue to live my happy life…and make it to work on time.