Category Archives: Terrible Twos

Let’s Talk About That Magical Switch

True Story: When I met Rylee and Andy at the mall on Monday for her first-ever Santa meeting, she had the charm turned on. She was a perfect angel. After the Santa meet-up, we wanted to grab some lunch. As we headed to the mall food court, Ry politely asked for a grilled cheese sandwich: “Rylee want a grilled cheese sanich…heeese?”. Well, in our mall food court, there are seriously NO kid-friendly eateries. So we decided we’d spend the extra time an the extra money and go to the Chili’s in the mall…you know, so Ry could have her grilled cheese.

Chili’s was busy. Really busy.

My child? Was a perfect angel.

I’m not even kidding. She ordered her own lunch. Opting for the “tay-sa-dee-a” instead of the grilled cheese. She ordered her own beverage “Rylee need milk, heeese?”Upon arrival of both the milk and quesadilla she loudly proclaimed “Hank You”.

While we waited, we colored her menu, we wrote names of our family and spelled them out, we quietly sang the ABC’s, we played I Spy.

I heard our waiter, on more than one occasion, say things under his breath like “That’s so cute”. He even commented to another waiter how awesome Rylee was. As we were leaving? He made a point to stop Andy and tell him how adorable Rylee was.

You guys? I’m not going to lie to you…I was completely shocked. Now, before you try to tell me that of course Rylee was great, she’s a great little kid, she’s an angel, blah, blah, blah…let me paint a picture of the night before…

My child was a monster. Not the cute little monster for which she got her nickname. There was nothing cute about Sunday night. She all out grew horns and was letting Andy and me know it. She wouldn’t listen. She was throwing fits. She was kicking. She was screaming. She was throwing things. It was ugly.

It got so bad at one point, that Andy could clearly see the frustration and outright anger in my face and decided it was time to step in. I seriously, seriously contemplated whether or not my child was “ready” to be spanked. And not because I thought it would be the right way to discipline her, but because I was angry. When Andy stepped in, I gladly walked away. I walked into my dark, quiet bedroom and sat down on the end of my bed. And just sat there.

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Andy helped Ry get her jammies on and she came out of her bedroom looking for me. She snuggled up to me and we read books. I took her to bed. And that was that.

Now, I ask you…where is that magical switch? It’s gotta be somewhere…Rylee clearly knows where it is on her and me.

I’ll Consider it a WIN!

For the first ever visit with Santa, I’ll consider this a win. She was a little apprehensive at first, sitting on my knee instead of the big-guy’s. She said she didn’t want her picture taken with him. I was fully prepared to walk away with nothing. Then, Santa asked her for a hug. And she complied. Then when she turned around? Click.

She did make sure to ask Santa for…wait for it…candy.

Candy? Candy. Where the heck did she get that from?! That’s it. I’m taking back everything else we got for her…like the toddler-tough digital camera, the play-doh and the puzzles and I’m getting her a bag of M&M’s.


Really Kid? REALLY!?

I’m pretty sure that compared to Auntie Kristen, I’m nothing but chopped liver. I’ve always had the slight suspicion, but now? I have photographic evidence.

I mean, just look how sweetly Ry is smiling while sitting on her Auntie’s lap…

And I get this…

I mean come on…really kid!? Is it really that bad sitting on your mama’s lap? I gave birth to you…the least you could do is smile.
Turns out, not even empty threats work on a two year old.

It’s ok though. I’m not holding it against her. If I were her, I’d probably do the same thing. All of her aunties are pretty dang awesome.

Do you feel bad for me? You should. You know what would make me feel better? If you took a few seconds to spare a couple of clicks for me. Thanks in advance…I’m feeling better already!

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What happens to owies and taco eating horses.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been noticing my lack of posts. There’s a funny little thing about life…it never slows down when you want it to. Between Andy being back in school and working long hours, my work picking up and Rylee being a little 2 year old monster, I’m…tired. And to be perfectly honest, I can have the best of intentions to sit down and blog after Ry goes to bed but on those night she’s being a challenge, the last thing I want to do after she’s put me at my wit’s end is blog about how cute she is. In fact, I really don’t even want to think about her after a night like that. All I want to do is go to bed. Or drink. And sleeping is less expensive. And now that I’ve written that, I kind of feel like an ill-equipped, bad mom. I know the “terrible twos” are a phase and ever kid goes through them. But, wow. That’s all I have to say about that right now.

Moving on…

Rylee has been talking more and more. More often than not, when we ride in the car we don’t even have the radio on because she’s chatting away in the back seat. With her talking more and her mind working in new ways there have been some cute and/or funny things coming out of her mouth…

Example A:
While driving home one night after picking Rylee up from daycare she notices the horses grazing in the field on our road. She yells “HORSES!…sree (three) horses!”
To which I reply with “Yes, Ry! Very good. Three horeses. What are the horses doing?”
She says “Eating dinner”
So I say, “What are they eating?”
So, in case you didn’t know, horses eat tacos.

Example B: 
Friday night after dinner I asked Rylee if she would like to help me get my stuff ready to go hunting the next morning. She loves to help, so she says yes. As we’re taking my pack out to the living room she asks,”Mama, I go hunting too?”
I say, “No Ry not this time. Maybe you can come hunting next time.”
She says, “Ok. I bring my blanket.”
Because, you know, a silky pink blanket is an essential when hunting deer.

Example C:
I took Ry to the specialist to have her acid reflux check-up. Since we were there I had them give her a flu shot. She cried. A lot. But, she got a sticker and a sucker. She kept calling the sucker a popscicle. She’d never had a sucker before. In the jeep on the way to Papa’s house she kept yelling, “I GOT SHOT! I GOT SHOT!”

Example D:
She got a paper cut on her thumb recently. I kept a band-aid on it here and there…mostly when she remembered about the cut and asked for one. Suddenly one day she looked at her thumb and noticed it was gone. “Where my owie go!?”
“Oh Ry, you’re owie is all better now and it went away.”
“Where it go?”
“It just went away honey, that’s what oweis do when they are all better.”
“Oh. My owie went home?”
“Yes Ry, your owie went home.”

I know there’s more things she’s been saying lately but I can’t remember right now. I’ve actually been writing them down so I can remember to blog about them. I also need to update you guys on my first ever attempt at a french braid. I swear they should give lessons to pregnant mothers expecting girls. This crap is hard.

Oh, and one more piece of business before I go. Our friends over at Top Baby Blogs have reset the voting. That means I need your help to get back up there. I was holding strong on page 4. Can you help me get back there? All you have to do is click on the banner link below. It will take you to a page that says: “Cast a vote for your favorite baby blog”. Just click on that link and you are all done! If you feel like it, you can click on the button link I have over there —> each time you visit. Well, once a day actually.

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Ok. That’s it. That’s all. I promise I will try and be better about keeping up on the blog!

Road Trip Notes: I should have known better.

This wasn’t my first rodeo. We’ve done mini road trips before. Although, I’m not sure a 2.5 hour drive constitutes a road trip. I still should have known better. All the rest of the longer than 45 minute drives we’ve gone on I’ve been all sorts of prepared. What was so different this time? Next time I mention we’re heading out on the road with a dog and a toddler, slap me upside the head, punch me in the throat, stab me with a fork…do something to get my attention and remind me to read this post before I leave!!!
First and possibly most important: be sure to pack copious amounts of alcohol to enjoy once you’ve reached your final destination…especially when traveling in groups.
Pack your tp because when your newly potty trained 2 year old has to go? She has to GO! And will refuse to pee in the diaper you have on her just in case. And you will end up pulling of on the side of a 2 lane highway hoping a semi truck doesn’t drive by and blow you over all so your kid can pop a squat and empty her wee little bladder.
You silly, silly mom…that travel doodle you have in the back seat of your car really isn’t going to do much for entertainment in a car ride that lasts longer than 35 minutes. Pack books. Lots of them. Possibly some color wonder markers too.
Plain and simple: You’re dog is a jerk. The minute you start talking about another overnight trip you plan on taking him on, he will start thinking of ways to get out of it. And he will be on the hunt for a skunk to frolic in the field with. I mean, why shouldn’t he? It worked for him last time. And let’s face it, no matter how lovey your wolf-dog is, he is inherently a stubborn jerk. That’s just how he rolls. And keep in mind, that even if he doesn’t get sprayed directly, he still kinda stinks. Oh yea, and for future reference, skunk smell is really brought out on a wet dog. If ya don’t know, now ya know.
Just know that all those plans you have made? Go right out the window you have rolled down to get rid of the skunk smell.
Now, all the snarky negativity aside, the trip was great and I just need to remember that just because things don’t go my way, everything will still work out (because they did), we’ll be good (because they were).