Category Archives: Kind of Crazy

I have nothing to say…

Sometimes I feel like I have nothing useful/important/noteworthy to talk about. Clearly, by my lack of blogging, that’s how I’m feeling about this week.

Does anyone really care that I bought fresh spinach on a whim over the weekend? I’ve never bought it before, but for some reason I was called to it. Now I’m left with a big ole thing of spinach and needing ideas on how to use it. Classic. Anyway, at the store, I also bought some pita pockets and avocados. The last two days I’ve made myself pita sandwiches with fresh spinach, diced avocado, hard boiled egg, a little bit of cheese and a spot of mayo. Ummmm…I’m obsessed. Nutritious. And totally filling and sustaining. I didn’t bring it today and I’m already wishing I had.

Does anyone really care about the book I’m currently reading? I always say I don’t like reading. The I start a book and I have a hard time putting it down. In Reese’s early days/long drawn out nursing sessions, I read the book Unbroken, a true WWII survival story about the American Olympic runner Louie Zamperini. It was amazing. Right now, I’m reading The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks. The story of the woman behind theHeLa cells that pretty much revolutionized science and medicine as we know it today. Another good one. Here’s what I’ve learned about myself when it comes to reading…the book either has to be completely mindless romance novel type reading, or I want a non-fiction book that really tell a story that has some meaning.

Now that I’ve got this randomness out of the way, I feel like my mind will be clear enough to write about a few other things that I’ve been thinking about for a while. One being milk-sharing and the other more recipe reviews. I’ve been having fun doing those recipe reviews the last couple of weeks. I’m going to try and keep up on them as a weekly thing. Fridays seem like a good day because it coincides nicely with meal planning/grocery shopping over the weekend. This week? Ranch Pork Chops. Also, since I’ve been doing a lot of meal planning talk, and there seems to be some interest on the subject, I decided to reformat and republish our weekly dinner plans.

But, something I know everyone loves to see? Cute photos of cute kids.

I started letting Reese feed herself chunks of food. It’s so fun to watch her figure things out, but I get all sorts of twitchy thinking of the mess she’s making.

I was a little late to work this morning. But both girls were uncharacteristically snuggly this morning and I couldn’t pass that up.

Proud to call them my friends

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I’ve talked about them before…these ladies that live in my phone. We’re each a little crazy. I happen to think we’re all freaking hilarious. Brandy summed our friendship up pretty much perfectly in this post.

Over the last week, they all put themselves out there in different ways and I couldn’t be more proud of each of them.

Brandy wrote a post over on Liberating Working Moms about some of the trials that come with being a pumping working mom and that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you need to supplement with formula and that’s OK because you’ve given your baby all you could. It’s not an easy thing to put out there because some people get so worked up in the breastmilk vs. formula “debate”, but other working moms struggling with producing enough milk need to know that it’s OK and that they aren’t alone. Anyway, go read it. It’s worth it.

Brandee has been going through some…well…shit. And by shit I mean infertility. It seems like just about everyone has an opinion and/or advice when it comes to baby making…or lack thereof. And while everyone has good intentions at heart, it still sucks. So BdblE (as she’s called in my phone) went ahead and put together some advice for the advice givers. She gives fair warning that her post may offend some, even make people mad, but she had to get those things off her chest and I applaud her for doing so in regard to such a personal, tough topic.

Alicia ended the week on a high. She was recently offered her dream job at her Alma Mater and of course she accepted it! With the happiness of a new job, comes the sadness of leaving the old one. And what I really mean by that is no more #OfficeFashionShow #UrinalEdition photos on my instagram feed. But, that’s ok because we have yet to see what her new bathroom set-up will be AND she put together this awesome video that I can always look back on. Her post quotes Amy Poehler saying “There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” I couldn’t agree more, Higgy. We’re two peas in a weird-ass pod.

These girls mean a lot to me. I’m proud to call them my friends.

Incomplete thoughts & Incomplete drafts

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I clearly haven’t been that great at blogging lately. Crazy how life kinda gets in the way. It’s not that I haven’t been thinking about blogging. In fact I’ve had almost a half dozen or so unfinished posts just sitting in my drafts for up to three months now. It’s things I want to share but either don’t have the time to really finish or just don’t have the motivation. So there they sit…partial thoughts and half written posts. Until now…

Hawaii
We’re headed to Hawaii!! While we’re going for a wedding, we’re doubling the trip as the family vacation we were planning for our tenth anniversary. First I was excited with the idea. Then I booked plane tickets and had a mild panic attack soon after I hit “buy now”. {Not having discretionary funds for so long does messed up things To ones mind when it comes time to actually buy something not technically “needed”. Having the money in the bank makes no difference.} Now that I’m done with the freak out, I’m back to excited. Because Lord knows we’ve earned a vacation and…HAWAII! I’m sure come June I’ll be looking for tips in flying with a 1 year old.

Baptism
We had Reese baptized back in early December. Yep, over 2 months ago. It was a low key ceremony held with just family right after mass. My sister and my brother are her god parents. Reese is wearing the same gown that Rylee wore, that was hand made by a woman in our church. The deacon that assisted in mine & Andy’s wedding, whom also baptized Rylee, baptized Reese. That meant a lot to us. {and being the mom of the year candidate I clearly am, I forgot the camera so all we have are phone pics. Winning!}

Car
Back in November we bought a new car! I’ve mentioned it a time or two before, but have yet to “give you a tour”. It’s pretty much awesome. We love it. We’ve had it barely over two months and we’re already taking it in for its first service. In 2 months and one week we’ve put over 5,000 miles on it. That my friends? Is a shit-ton of driving.

Blogging

Right now I’m kind of struggling with some blogging things. I’d love to grow my readership and eyeballs that see my little corner of the Internet but lets be real…I don’t write earth-shattering-viral-material, I’m not an “authority” on anything, I’m not a DIY-er, my photos are hardly pin-worthy. I cook some really tasty things, but I seriously lack in decent food photography skills. Or really any photography skills for that matter. Heck most of the time, I’m recycling photos I’ve posted in Instagram. Why would people want to come here? Why am I really doing this? For me? For my girls to look back on someday? Sure, that’s all part of it. I squeeze blogging into my lunch breaks because when I’m home from work, I’m cooking dinner, bathing kids, putting them to bed and oh you know, attempting to relax with my husband. It’s blogging this is something I do for fun and my family comes first. So what I do needs to be enough. I’m currently in the process of coming to terms with that. {in the meantime, if you’d like, feel free to tell all your friends about this super awesome, hilarious, riveting, real, ____(insert chosen adjective here) blog.}

Beach body

Back in September I wrote about being ready to lose some baby weight. Then…well…I didn’t really follow through with that. I mean, technically I’ve lost the weight and I’m back down to my pre-baby days {thank you breast feeding!} but things are…squishy? {Seriously…my poor belly button} Now that we’ve got Hawaii on the horizon I’m officially motivated to get beach ready. Instead of focusing on losing lbs, I’m going to focus on losing inches and toning/definition. I want to be fit and healthy. Not just a certain number on the scale. And let’s be real, no way in hell I’m giving up coffee creamer, cheese, my daily sweet tooth attack and the occasional dr. Pepper. I’m not that motivated, people. I’ll be meeting with a friend/personal trainer in a couple of weeks. She offers classes at her own gym but I’m not able to make them due to my schedule. So we’re going to go over my goals and she’s going to show me some exercises I can do at home, or on my own at the gym near my work. And yes, I’m actually planning on blogging my progress.

Lingering.

This cold/crud I was down with almost two weeks ago is still lingering and its driving me bonkers! At this point I feel fine and it’s nothing more than a stuffy/runny nose and a cough…but holy crap is it annoying. I’m thinking how Andy must think he married the sexiest woman in the world every morning as I’m hocking up loogies in the bathroom while I’m getting ready. What can I say? He’s a lucky man. Hawt, I know.

So there you go…all of my half-written posts wrapped up in a pretty, mediocre bow. I’m off to clear out my drafts and start fresh next week. Happy Friday!

A little dream I keep

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I have this dream I keep tucked away in my back pocket. I’ve never really told anyone about it, yet I think about it quite often.

I think it’d be a fun adventure to turn our rental house into a bed & breakfast.

I feel like there will come a time where we will no longer need to rent the house out, yet neither one of the girls will be ready to live there.

It wouldn’t take much, just some furniture, really.

With the way the house is set up, it actually lends itself to a B&B set-up quite nicely. 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms. Each room could have it’s own private sitting area. The kitchen is nice & spacious and there’s a big dining room that I can just picture a nice big country table in the middle of.

I love to cook and entertain. I could cook breakfasts with eggs, fruits & veggies harvested right from our own backyard.

Our property is beautiful. I would love to share it with others as a peaceful weekend getaway. A little piece of country living.

We live within mere minutes of some amazing wineries. We’re within an hour of the pacific ocean.

Guests could spend their days wine tasting or hiking or visiting the ocean and spend their evenings enjoying a beverage of their choice while relaxing and watching the sunset off the back balcony that happens to have the perfect view.

People from across the county, who knows, maybe even from around the world, could share their stories with us. Write their names in our guest book. Leave a mark on our lives.

But I don’t know…it’s all kind of silly. It’s just something I daydream about sometimes.

Heavy. Toxic. No-winning. Robotics.

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Caution. Extreme stream of consciousness word vomit ahead. And possible bad words.

Now that you’ve been amply warned, here goes nothin.

I’m normally a half-glass-full kinda gal. The “silver lining” thing isn’t just a thing…I really do truly try to live it.

But crap, lately, I feel like I’m struggling.

I’m just…overwhelmed lately. So much to do. Not nearly enough hours in the day to get them done.

Things I want to do I don’t have time for. Things I need to do I don’t have time for. Could I get up earlier or go to bed later? I suppose, but that’d leave me in more of a zombie state than I already am. I feel like there’s no winning.

I feel like a robot. Must.Make.Dinner. Must.Bathe.Children. Must.Wash.face. Must.Sleep. {said in my best robot voice, of course}

Just going through the motions. Almost like I’m outside of myself watching myself. Not ever really present.

And I’m trying…I really am. These Advent Activities I’ve been doing with Rylee have been so much fun. But then there’s the ever looming to-do list in the back of my mind.

Sometimes I just try and escape it. When I’m feeding Reese and putting her to bed, I just want to sit in there and rock her as long as possible. It’s quiet. And still. And peaceful. But it doesn’t last. That’s not an option. There’s pump parts to wash. Another kid that needs to be put to bed. Dishes to unload. Laundry to fold. Bills to pay. Again, with the to-do list in the back of my mind.

I’m tired. Andy joked with me the other day when I was complaining about being tired that he’s surprised I’m just not used to it by now. And to a certain extent, he’s right. I guess I just keep holding out hope that life will in fact slow down.

Sometimes all I want to do is sleep. Forget the to-do list, I’m going to cope by ignoring it all completely and just sleep. Screw the dishes, they’ll be here tomorrow. Sleep is what I need. If I’m rested I’ll be able to tackle it.

Then I wake up the next morning more overwhelmed than I was the night before.

So often I could just go to work to escape. But work is no better these days. ASAP deadlines for nearly every project. Redoing projects that were just done. A to-do list that keeps getting set aside because there’s other “more important” things that need to be taken care of. It’s frustrating. And overwhelming. And mostly just frustrating.

Things I normally love to do, like wrap Christmas presents, is something that I’m viewing as just another thing on my to-do list….and I’m almost dreading doing it. {FYI family & friends-don’t be surprised if your gifts are wrapped simply this year.}

I’m all sorts of emotional lately. And for really no apparent reason. I’ll either be raging upset. Or I’ll be so upset I want to cry. Or I’ll look at my family and my heart will swell and I’ll be on the verge of tears. Sometimes I think, ok, maybe if I just have a good cry I’ll feel better. but no tears come.

All I want to do is eat all the things. No way breastfeeding is burning all the calories I want to cram in my face. I’ll want to eat healthy. Then something will set me back and it just turns into an ugly downward spiral.

Sometimes I get to the point where every other word going through my mind is a cuss word. I’m normally not like this. And it’s toxic.

And I hate it.

My little family is my saving grace. My girls are my pride & joy and Andy? I just don’t know what I’d do without that man. I love them so hard that sometimes it hurts. My heart literally feels like it’s going to burst sometimes. I just want to scoop them all up and run away from everything and enjoy time with just them.

I guess I’m just down on myself. And this is a really shitty time of year to be down on oneself.

But I’m gonna put on a happy face and trudge through. Because it’s all just a phase. And it’s the most wonderful time of year.

Right?

Somewhere In The Middle

Mostly Average Accounts of the World's Okayest Mom.