Last night I finished filling out my paperwork. I made sure the coffee pot was ready to go. I ironed my slacks and even though the dress code is pretty casual I felt weird wearing jeans on my first day, I made sure to choose a shirt that wasn’t too dressy, but didn’t look dumb with slacks. For the first time in ten…eleven…maybe 12 days? I’m not sure, I’ve actually lost count, I set my alarm.

I left right on time this morning. I made it here in great time. I’ve got my hot cup of coffee, my lunch, my paperwork and my notebook all ready to go.

So here we go!

I wasn’t really sure if there would be tears or not. I’ve been fine all day…through our office lunch, while I read their card, through the goodbye hugs. But there is something about sitting here, in a quiet office, wrapping up outstanding projects at my half-packed desk that is leaving me on the brink of losing it.

It’s very surreal to think that next week I won’t be sitting in this office. At this spot I’ve made my own. With these people I consider my extended family. After 7 years with the majority of them, it’s hard not to think of them like that. They’ve been through my two pregnancies and child births, loss of family members, the purchase of my property and so many other milestones in my adult life.

They were my first bosses in the corporate world. I’ve been through 4 different companies with them. Worked late nights and weekends just to get the job done. Traveled the country with them.  We’ve done amazing things together. Accomplished so many things.

They’ve pushed me to my limits. They’ve helped me grow. They’ve taught me more than they will ever know.

I’m proud of myself for making this move, but that doesn’t mean it’s been easy.

Where one door closes, another opens. Where one chapter ends, another one starts.

Here’s to the end of one of the best chapters of my life.

“Today is the day” I thought to myself. I’ll just go ahead and get it out of the way first thing in the morning. Then I proceeded to spend the entire rest of the day waiting for the “perfect moment” while simultaneously feeling like I was going to puke and completely tense from the anxiety coursing through my veins.

I kept repeating the line I’d just read from Lean In the day before, “What would you do if you weren’t afraid…” hoping it would make it better.

I knew this was going to be one of the hardest conversations I’d ever had.

I ate my feelings…they tasted like biscuits & gravy for breakfast and nachos for lunch.

By the end of the day I was pacing my office.

The perfect moment never came. I knew I just needed to rip off the band-aid and at 4:55 PM yesterday afternoon, I had both of my bosses in my office with the door closed.

“I was offered a job last week and I’ve decided to take it…”

I blurted it out as fast as I could without making eye contact with either of them.

I was thisclose to ugly crying right in front of them. Yes, there were even actual real tears. We talked some more and while shocked, they are ultimately supportive.

So there you have it. I am leaving the team {more like family} I’ve worked with for the last 7 years for a new opportunity. I am beyond excited and beyond scared. I’m leaving everything comfortable and taking a risk. I’m sure I’ll talk more about it here in the future, but for now, I’m focusing on helping out my current company prepare for an upcoming product launch and tradeshow (and hiring my replacement) for the remainder of the year.

Since the initial offer, while talking to family and close friends about the opportunity I get pumped. Then when left alone with my thoughts, I start freaking out. Of course, now that it’s out in the open it’s gotten better. Though to be 100% honest, I’m still kind of going back and forth.

But then I think of that question again “What would you do if you weren’t afraid…” and I know I’m doing it.

Now the question is I wonder if I’ll be able to incorporate my deer head into my new office space…