I always thought there’d be three.

by katherine on February 25, 2013

It was something we talked about long before their was ever an engagement ring on my finger…Three kids.

Now fast forward about ten years, a giant mortgage and two kids later…a lot has happened in the last ten years…especially the last 5. Three kids is no longer in the cards for us. For a variety of reasons, really. We don’t think it’d be fair to Rylee at a minimum of 6 years old to be starting over, again, with a baby. Where would we physically put three kids? Then there’s the whole money aspect of it all…our financial situation is much different than we thought it would be during those dreaming years. A third child means we’d need a new car….new cars cost money. And three kids in daycare, well, that’s a lot of money too. We want to pay for our kids to go to college…putting three kids through college wouldn’t be an option. We want to retire someday…preferably before we’re in our seventies. Not to mention we’ve already got two weddings to pay for someday.

There’s a number of people that have told us to do it anyway. That we’d figure it out. If there’s one thing about us, it’s that we don’t rely on the “we’ll figure it out somehow” rule. If that were the case, our girls would be two years apart and not four. We would’ve bought a new car years ago instead of driving around the ghetto-fabulous Buick.

These girls of mine are growing so fast. Rylee will be starting kindergarten in the fall. She can’t wait to ride the school bus. She wants to get her ears pierced. She’ll be transitioning to a booster seat before long. Reese is a crawling machine. She’s got three teeth. We just bought her size 3 diapers. Andy walked into get her after nap one day and she was sitting up in her crib. She pulled herself up to standing the other night.

I used to sort of make fun of moms that talked about getting all emotional and weepy going through and getting rid of their baby’s outgrown clothes. Now I get it. I’ve become that mom. As I go through all of the outgrown baby clothes, I hold up nearly every piece. Think about the memories each one holds. Both my girls wore these. I’ve set aside my favorite pieces to hold on to for my sisters when they have kids. I’ve also set aside a few of my very favorite pieces, like what they wore home from the hospital, to keep in my cedar chest.

Last week when Reese was sick she didn’t want to nurse. At first I thought no big deal, but as the days went on, I wondered if she was just done with it and my heart sank.

I knew right then and there in my heart, I’m not ready for this journey to be over.

It’s a very surreal feeling…coming to terms with being done having kids.

My heart is absolutely full, overflowing even, just watching my 2 girls together, but there’s still that little part of me that thinks…I always thought we’d have three.

rice041-web

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Kendra February 27, 2013 at 4:28 pm

I'm in tears… this is such a hard topic for me at the moment. I always thought there'd be three for us too. But the reality of it all is much bigger than the dreaming of it all. I'm not ready to let the idea go yet but I know I will need to come to terms with it at some point. Beautifully written post.

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2 Lilmissrysmama February 27, 2013 at 4:39 pm

This is NEVER something I thought I'd have a hard time with…even when I was pregnant with my littlest one. But wow…hard topic is right. Thank you for your comment…it's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with this. <3

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3 Carole (SurfMomma) February 27, 2013 at 4:29 pm

So this made me a little weepy, because I know exactly how you feel. We always thought there would be at least two for us. We didn't know what we were facing, we didn't know that there is no medical reason my son was born alive and healthy (really, a specialist told me I never should have given birth to a live child, much less a healthy one.). And there is a grieving process I think coming to terms with not having more children. And since he was born so many things have happened, from a job loss to starting our own company to making major housing decisions and those things have pushed aside ideas like adoption. It's wonderful to know that by only having him we have the ability to give him everything we want him to have in life, but I understand the ache that comes from moving along the baby stuff and ending nursing.

It's hard on a heart when things just don't go the way we dream them.

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4 Lilmissrysmama March 1, 2013 at 7:38 pm

"It's hard on a heart when things just don't go the way we dream them"…You put it beautifully.

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5 Carole (SurfMomma) February 27, 2013 at 4:55 pm

So this made me a little weepy, because I know exactly how you feel. We always thought there would be at least two for us. We didn't know what we were facing, we didn't know that there is no medical reason my son was born alive and healthy (really, a specialist told me I never should have given birth to a live child, much less a healthy one.). And there is a grieving process I think coming to terms with not having more children. And since he was born so many things have happened, from a job loss to starting our own company to making major housing decisions and those things have pushed aside ideas like adoption. It's wonderful to know that by only having him we have the ability to give him everything we want him to have in life, but I understand the ache that comes from moving along the baby stuff and ending nursing.

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6 Jessie February 27, 2013 at 4:56 pm

I am going through the same thing right now. I am currently pregnant with #2 and while we always planned on having 3 kids, I'm slowly realizing that it just may not be in the cards for us. We will have 2 in daycare and want to pay for kids college. We also want to be able to go on family vacations, get a boat, and just have some financial flexibility. While we can (most likely) do all those things with 2 kids, I'm just not sure we'll be able to with 3. I definitely don't want to have a third and be strapped but I also don't want my kids to be teenagers and regret not having more. I'm REALLY hoping I get that "my family is complete" feeling after I have this one, but who knows…

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7 Lilmissrysmama February 28, 2013 at 12:08 pm

Doesn't practicality and being responsible just really suck sometimes!? ;)

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8 Nanette February 27, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Beautiful.

My confession is that while we've agreed to and always assumed we'd have two and be done, part of me is considering the possibility of a 3rd. (And I always sort of made fun of folks w/ 3 kids, like WHO would want to be outnumbered like that?!) I think it's the nostalgia I'm already going thru w/ our 3-week old, knowing that this is probably the last time I'll have to buy newborn diapers, etc. Things like my own age (I'm 35 and "advanced maternal age"), my eldest's age and the financial situation similar to what you mentioned (college, weddings, wanting to actually go on vacation) will likely keep us from a 3rd, not to mention that I haven't even told my husband about thinking about a 3rd. Somehow I doubt he's nostalgic about this like I am. ;)

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9 Lilmissrysmama February 28, 2013 at 12:10 pm

I think that's exactly where I'm at…it's the nostalgia of it all. That's the perfect way to describe it.

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10 Stacey February 27, 2013 at 8:12 pm

That's such a tough transition. And I wish I could say that it will just magically go away one day. After our third was born I was 100% DONE! I did not want another one. Then my husband had his vasectomy and it suddenly felt so final. No more "what ifs". The choice to have another wasn't there anymore and that hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm happy where we are but I still get weepy when I need to pack up those "too small" clothes. No longer packing them away for the next baby but packing them away to donate. It's sad. Give yourself permission to mourn that. And then enjoy all the fabulous memories you have with your girls :)

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11 Lilmissrysmama February 28, 2013 at 12:13 pm

YES! We haven't made any permanent steps yet, it will come sooner as opposed to later. The "officialness" of it all is what I think has me wavering.

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12 mary beth March 1, 2013 at 8:58 am

Me too, Katherine, me too. :(

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13 otandet March 1, 2013 at 9:35 am

I love you. Your girls are SO LUCKY to have you in their lives and to have each other. If you ever decided a third made sense, you'd rock it. But I totally get where you're at, it's really a grieving thing. I'm kind of there too, though not exactly the same. It's hard to close doors of possibility <3 xo. When can we get together???

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14 Lilmissrysmama March 1, 2013 at 7:49 pm

Closing the doors of possibility just hits ya like a ton of bricks. Let's get together SOOOON!! We're open next weekend, I do believe!

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15 Alice @MumsMakeLists March 7, 2013 at 7:44 pm

Thanks so much for sharing at the Baby Shower – look forward to seeing you at this week's party Alice x
http://mumsmakelists.blogspot.co.uk/2013/03/the-f

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