On my heart: Beside Myself

I normally like to keep things light hearted around these parts, so this is not an easy thing for me to put out there. I’m one blessed wife mama lady…I know that. But there’s something that’s been happening lately that I just can’t shake off.

What’s the saying? Actions speak louder than words? Well, if that’s the case, these days it seems like Rylee hates me.

In her eyes, I can do nothing right. NOTHING.

Just last weekend at lunch, apparently the chips I gave her were too big. {THE CHIPS WERE TOO BIG!}

If I didn’t hear what she said, and I have to ask “what?” she freaks out angry with me.

She threatened to throw her grapes at me once because I had the audacity to ask her two times if she wanted blackberries. {Seriously people…whiskey, tango, foxtrot.}

It makes me sad and mad and frustrated all at the same time. I’m nearly at my wit’s end.

It seems like every single thing is a struggle. Or an argument. Or just down right defiance. And it takes me completely freaking out back before she’ll snap out of it.

It’s getting to the point where I almost dread it just being the girls and me. I hate it.

It’s hard. I’m getting down on myself about it all the time. One “episode” can turn what was my fantastic day into complete misery. I feel like an awful mom.

I know it’ll get better. I know it’s partly her age and mostly an adjustment to her baby sister. She’s not this way with her dad…or anyone else for that matter and it didn’t really start until it was just the girls & I home for that week Andy was back at work and I wasn’t yet. I’m sure it’s not easy all of a sudden becoming “second”.

I’m struggling.

I’m trying to put her first more often. I’m trying to get some one-on-one time with her. I’m trying to say yes more.

But it’s hard…so hard. She’s doing this all for attention. I’ve tried reinforcing positive behavior. I’ve tried punishing the negative behavior. It doesn’t seem like either works. It’s like it’s an awful downward spiral that I’m trying {not very successfully} to claw my way back up from.

I wish there was a set-in-stone-sure-fire-black-and-white way to fix this.

I’m thankful she’s not taking things out on Reese, but this behavior hurts my heart. I love her something fierce and I always will, but I miss where my girl and me were just a few months ago.

This parenting gig is tough sometimes.

6 thoughts on “On my heart: Beside Myself

  1. Laura Case

    It is a huge adjustment for everyone, and age 4 is also kind of crazy. There is a series of development books (not parenting books) by Ames about each age. 4 is called "Your Four Year Old: Wild and Wonderful." I felt like my boys went back and forth between so wonderful and so so so wild and crazy. Just being super naughty on purpose.

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  2. babechilla

    Hugs mama. I don't know really what you're going through seeing as I don't have a 4 year old OR a baby but, from my friends who have kids around the same age as R&R, it's pretty common.

    I think recognizing it for what it is – an adjustment and jealousy, is great. It's not HER or YOU, it's just that her entire world has just changed. Plus she had you home with her and dad home with her and then it's back to school and now there is a sister and blargh MY head is spinning.

    Think about how much adjustment YOU are going through, and then try to think how you could manage that with a 4 year old brain. Tough.

    I think you just need to hang in there, and take it easy on both of you. She will come through this, and so will you. Just keep giving her attention and 1:1 time when you can, while making her understand that this is not how she is to behave. She is smart, it'll sink in quickly.

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  3. enevicosi

    Hang in there – it WILL get better. The first few months of having two for me was really hard. My older son (who's almost three now – was 2 years, 4 months when brother was born) just seemed really sad to have lost his status as our only child, and he was jealous and acting out. I did not like being at home with both of them on my own AT ALL. It was tough!

    But now a few months later and we are all doing SO much better. Henry loves his little brother so much and I feel I can way more easily juggle two kids now. It just gets easier and more fun every day.

    I know it's a little different because Rylee is a bit older and a girl, so I know you have your own challenges there – but still, she'll come around!

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  4. Nanette

    I have no words of wisdom, but I'm sending calming thoughts your way. Just yesterday I was telling my husband that our gal has been extra cute lately, but when she's not? She's a total diva. Part of me is not looking forward to that side of her once our 2nd gal arrives in a few months.

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  5. Pingback: A four year age difference…7 months in

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