Category Archives: On My Heart

Our Time. Year 6.

Last month I boarded a plane and headed out for my 6th annual Thread weekend.

People still get a kick out of hearing how we all met. Some are kind of weirded out. Especially border guards. Most everyone is amazed we make this weekend happen every single year.

But for us? It’s our one weekend a year to see each other outside of our imessage thread and secret instagram stories.

It’s our time to be carefree and not have to worry about kids or jobs. It’s our time to be silly. It’s our time to laugh. It’s our time to have 1 AM dance parties. It’s our time to wander farmers markets. It’s our time to get dressed up. It’s our time to sit around in our soft clothes drinking coffee. It’s our time to drink maybe a little too much and eat too many Cool Ranch Doritos.

It’s our time to talk too much. And also our time to sit in silence with one another, completely content.

It’s our time to just… be.

These ladies all came into my life (and I, theirs) at a time when we all needed it the most. Maybe in ordinary “real life” circumstances, we never would have become friends. But I like to think we’re extraordinary. No, we didn’t grow up together or go to college together. By the time we knew each other, we’d all graduated college, had married our husbands, bought houses, had at least our first kid. But at this point in our friendship, we have been through other milestones – Sad things like miscarriages, infertility, and loss of family members. Scary things like kids starting school, kid problems. Exciting things like career changes, following dreams, and now even running for public office.

I love these ladies fiercely. And every year, all year long, I look forward to our time.


You know what I hate? That when friends I haven’t seen for a while ask me how we’ve been the only answer I can ever come up with is, “busy.”

Or when someone asks me how my day was and I can’t think anything to say besides, “busy.”

At what point will I just accept that “busy” is just our new normal? Or maybe, I’m just not willing to accept it as our new normal. And also, what would I say then to those questions?

How was your day? … “normal.

How have you guys been? … “normal.

What kind of answer is that, even?

But, it’s true. Three kids is a lot of laundry, a lot of morning chaos, a lot of food to cook, a lot of dishes. Two of them are now in school so there are more lunches to make, more schedules to coordinate, more reading to be done. Two of them are playing sports so there are more practices to go to, more games to cheer on, more water bottles to fill, more team snacks to buy. Outside of the kids, there are careers that we love and aren’t going anywhere. The property that’s not going anywhere. Etc., etc. etc..

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

If I’m being completely honest? The constant dashboard of family stuff, work stuff, house stuff, that I have running in my head leaves me right on the verge of being completely overwhelmed. There’s always one.more.thing. that should/could/needs to be done before I can sit down and relax in the evening. That magical time of sitting down and relaxing seems to be getting later and later in the evening as time goes on.

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

So, I’m asking myself, why am I even here? In this space, I mean. Typing these words when there are so many other things that should be done right now. Why am I even contemplating the idea of adding yet another one.more.thing. to that dashboard in my head?

I’ve gone almost an entire year within nothing new here. So why now? It’s been so long, I even typed in the URL of my own blog wrong when I decided to log in and click “new post.”

The novelty and shiny-ness of the internet has long worn off. There’s just so much noise anymore. I actually kind of hate it lately. Social media in general, I mean. I took the twitter app off my phone. I’ve been clicking “unfollow” more and more. I’ve even said out loud on more than one occasion that if I didn’t have to have it for work I wouldn’t. And that realization actually kind of makes me sad. I miss the “good old days” of social media, ya know?

And maybe that’s just me in general lately. I suppose that’s why I’m here right now. Reminiscent of the “good old days” of being less busy. At least, that’s what I’m telling myself now. I’m sure that whenever those generic “good old days” were, I also felt busy all the time. Maybe I just handled it all better?

I don’t even know. I’m just rambling on at this point.

It’s just busy. But it’s our normal.

Pro Tip on Feeding Babies

I’ve been texting with some mom-friends this week about the challenges of breastfeeding and pumping and the guilt and resentment and “OH MY GOSH WHY AM I NOT MAKING MORE MILK I AM SO SICK OF THIS” of it all. After 3 kiddos, I’ve been there done that.

Ironically enough, world breastfeeding week just wrapped up a few days ago and that post I just linked above I wrote almost a year ago to this day. It’s hard to believe at this time just a year ago I was still nursing Lincoln. It seems like such a distant memory at this point. But I digress…

The subject of that group text always hits me like a ton of bricks because for every 1 mom that’s out there that thinks nursing their baby is a breeze and amazing and a beautiful journey, etc, etc, etc, there’s at least one mom that struggles with it and feels like she has to be silent about it. And it seems like there’s never anyone out there saying “it’s ok! I get you! you aren’t alone! You don’t have to love it!”

And that sucks, right!? Because the internal struggle of breastmilk vs. formula is real. And hard.

For the mothers that are struggling with milk production, or you think there’s something wrong with you because you just don’t love, or even like, nursing or pumping, or feeling guilty for making the move to 100% formula, you are certainly not alone. I’ve shared many of those same feelings.

I would like to share this pro tip:

10 out of 10 doctors agree: feeding your baby is 100% necessary. Recommended, even!

How they get fed is up to you. And only you.


Love is…

I feel like everyone has that person they look up to in life…a mentor or role model, if you will. Whether it’s career related or personal life. Back in my late teens/early 20’s I had one of those people in my life. I looked up to her in every way. In her career. In her marriage. And eventually, in her parenting. Even before I had a career, marriage or children I’d take note of things she would do or say.

One of those things was something she once said about the subject of love. She didn’t say it directly to me, rather in a group setting. What she said made so much sense. It’s a little tid-bit I have shared with others over the years and it’s something I often come back to in my own relationship.


Makes sense, doesn’t it?

She’s since moved away but to this day many of those things have stuck with me and shaped the way I work, partner and parent.

Smiles and sunsets

My drive home from work takes me down quiet country roads with beautiful views. Often times I use my time between the office and picking up the girls as a time to catch up with my sisters or my girlfriend. Or rock out. Or sometimes just quiet time…To decompress after a busy day.

Today was one of the quiet days. The sun was just about set. The fog was settling in around the lake. It was a beautiful evening. I drove in silence. Without even thinking, I brought my hand to my neck. It brushed my necklace. I caught myself and smiled.

My grandma has been gone over 7 years now and there’s still not a day that goes by where I don’t think about her. She’s never far from my mind.

On days I seem to miss her more than normal I think about what it’d be like to visit with her again. It’s an odd thing to go from visiting multiple times a week to never being able to do it again. We’d talk about nothing. Or everything. No matter what my days were always brighter. I can still picture her smile. Even how her eyes beamed. How she’d squeeze my hand.

Today would have been one of those days where I would have stopped off for a visit before going home. To share a bit about my day.

I look at the sun setting through the clouds. I think about all the things I would be telling her if she was here. My hand touches my necklace again and I smile picturing her smile. Shes never too far away.